February 5, 2010

  • My eyelids changed…

    …and somewhere along the line, so did everything else.

    Just got back from Crested Butte yesterday and of course I put together a photo album. I have over 80 photo albums on Facebook. Talk about sharing my whole life with the fb world. I’ll get around to making those private someday…So, as I was saying, I was putting together the photo album, and then naturally started looking at all the facebook updates. I came across one of the undergrad’s profiles that I TA’ed and looked at all the fun photos he had and what his life is like. Got me thinking about my undergrad, so getting all nostalgic, I started looking at all my old photo albums. My my. My life is so different than say, 5 years ago. Yes, FIVE years ago I was still an undergrad at UCI (which I now have to refer to as UC Irvine or else no one here knows what I’m talking about. Took me awhile to figure that one out). Well, I noticed something else also…my eyelids! They always had the double fold, but back then, they were more like single-double folded, ya know, like just a small crease. I then made the transition from RGP to soft contacts in grad school, and an odd thing happened over the next 2 years. One at a time, my eyelids transformed into these filipino looking completely double folded eyelids. No clue how this happened, but it did.

    Over the weekend, Minna talked about how she wished she had recorded things from undergrad, and inevitably that reminded me of my dear Xanga blog. I missed the time I took to write in it each day. The reflection and introspection at the end of the day. I re-read a few and reminisced about the past occurrences. Wow. Things have changed. Who writes blogs anymore? A lot of people still do but they are usually specific topics like workout programs or beauty tips or ways to be greener or whatever. Personally blogging has been ubiquitously replaced by Twitter, FB comments, GChat statuses and the likes. What happened to the days when it was cool to write more than a few sentences (lest a few words) about random thoughts in your head? We truly are the ADD culture and it will only get worse. As always, I am pledging to resist change and share a few more thoughts than what I can say in 3 seconds.

    So here it goes…

    I am amazed at the disparity between people’s lives at this point in our lives. I’ll name 3 categories for the time being. You’ve got the married friends – all settled down, fixing up the house, having babies, staying at home on weekends, buying nice things. Then you’ve got the single friends – bachelors for life (or at least until 35), clubbing it up every weekend, still drinking like they did in undergrad, still not knowing what they’re doing with their lives. And finally, the post-college education goers. Grad students. Now this one is tricky. There’s also married ones – some who got married before they came, some who got married during, and some who have kids and bring them into lab. Then…you’ve got the serious relationship people – those who dated starting from grad school, undergrad, and even high school. Then…you’ve got people who are now single, but were previously in serious relationships from undergrad and haven’t found anyone else since. There’s also the single people who still do the casual dating and hook up thing and drink like they are still in undergrad. And then there’s the single ones that have never been in a relationship still and you really can’t see being in one anytime soon either. All these different people with different degrees of relationship experience, all the same age! This boggles my mind just a little…!!!

    I’m not trying to draw any conclusions. I just still have in my mind that there’s this progression of experiences up until the point you get married, and when I was 20, I already felt I was at that last stage. It felt a little weird going backwards on that whole scale and then building back up to it, but now I feel like I really want to be at that final stage…but not necessarily because I’m ready for it, but I feel like I’m supposed to be there already and I’m behind if I’m not. I feel like I’ve always been one who wants to be ahead of the crowd and get to things first to show people how it’s done or that I wasn’t just going to follow everyone else. I feel like I don’t want to be left behind when I very well know that there are way more people on the back end of this progress line I’ve made up. I’ve just always refused to be the last or near last at anything. Why am I so adamant about this?

    I blame grad school and relationships for all this. But I know where I am is a consequence of many many choices piled on top of each other, so why am I ‘blaming’ these for my situation now? This is what I chose because obviously doing this is important to me and what I think will fulfill part of my career needs/desires. I need to accept all territory that comes with it. I’m not really complaining, just thinking aloud…

    …I just still can’t be sure of myself that I’m not wishing things were different. That’s probably enough emo-ness for now…maybe this is why i stopped blogging in the first place….lol (I’m pretty sure Sean will read this and automatically assume I am not happy with him. Well that’s his problem if he wants to think that. =P)

July 20, 2009

  • San nakji juseyo…

    …or not. I did it. I ate live octupus! Ahhhh. That is the one thing I told Sean I really didn’t want to eat, but those Korean tricksters. I couldn’t believe my eyes when those wriggling tentacles were brought to the table. They expected me to eat that? Well, with the help of a little salty sauce…but seriously. I gulped in apprehension, but I knew this was one food I couldn’t turn down. This was the absolute Korean experience I was looking for, right? So that was it, I had no choice. I grabbed my stainless steel chopsticks chose the least lively tentacle I could find, and then…whaa…can’t lift it up. arghh. The tentacle was suction cupping to the plate, causing me to lift the whole plate of live delicacies off the table. Dang it, you freakin’ nakji! Out of frustration I lifted the whole plate up and just shoveled one piece into the sauce and watched it wiggle itself into the salty oily goodness. Finally, I took the plunge…I popped that sucker into my mouth and tried to chew as fast as I could so that it had no chance at suction cupping to my tongue or cheek. I did it without thinking, with just one mission in mind, to make sure that “food” was dead. When it was over, it was then that I was able to think about the taste. Yeah, hm, taste like octupus sushi. I guess it wasn’t that bad. Let’s try another one, maybe one with more gusto…one with nice big suction cups. Yeah… This time I waited a few sections before chomping down. Just to give the fella some false hope, that it wasn’t going to end up attacked by my stomach acid. Yep, that thing sure suction cupped this time. My tongue felt a feeling it had never felt before. I’m sure it was utterly confused at what was going on, but again, I put an end to it by using my chompers to break that little octupus arm into a chewy mess. Bleh, what’s this? Something hard in here like a small pebble, like some part of the big suction cup thingy. That was weird…. Thus, the first (and probably last) experience with san nakji (live octupus).

    Korean Music Video of the Day – the fastest rapper today, imo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rk8d3yV4Sw

July 17, 2009

  • Ahn Nyung!

    I’m in Korea! Sean is here for work for Liquidmetal so I decided I’d tag along.

    I was originally supposed to go to the Harbin Institute of Technology summer program for international students, but that was canceled because of swine flu concerns. Totally legit…but the way that the Chinese people handled it was very poor. They failed to notify me directly, in fact, at all. I had to call them. I originally was trying to find out where my info packet was that they promised they would mail, but I immediately found out that the program was canceled, only a few days before, and that the international offices of the universities were contacted. However, no one contacted me at all. And this was less than 2 weeks before the start date of the program. This is very inconsiderate and a very bad reflection on them and how they do business. They are very disorganized and failed to respond to e-mails many times before. They said the program will be offered next year, but I certainly will not be attending next year! I purchased my plane ticket and visa, and now I am $300 in the hole. I really DO NOT like Chinese mannerisms and their way of thinking. This would never happen with an American institute.

    Anyway… I’m in Korea now for 2+ weeks. Sean has to work most of the time so I will be playing housewife and catching up on those nice pleasant hobby things that busy grad students never have time for – like knitting, reading non-technical books, and learning Korean through Rosetta Stone. My first trip to the grocery store was a little intimidating. I didn’t get a label for my baked goods, I kept pushing cancel after signing for my credit card, and then I didn’t have a bag to put my groceries in. I was a clueless foreigner, holding up the whole grocery line. I wish I were white so they would immediately know I was a foreigner and would expect these slip ups beforehand. Oh well.  What can you do?

    I am now watching TV and utterly surprised at these channels with gamers on them! These people are just playing Starcraft and it’s displayed on a huge screen where a whole stadium full of people are sitting there watching! People sitting there with their soda and juices to last them the whole time so they won’t miss a minute, girls sitting there, tons of Korean boys, and Korean families too! Mom, Dad, little sister, everyone is there watching! And they’re holding those blow up slapper things that you get at basketball and football games, the ones that you clap together to make a lot of noise. They say Starcraft on them and everyone is waving them around. I am in disbelief at how big it is here and how engrossed everyone is with this. There have been comments about how this is a social problem…but seriously, this is a BIG problem. No wonder those Korean boys can’t get a girl. What’s going to happen when SC2 comes out?! I’m so glad I won’t be here then.

    I will hopefully report on more eventful experiences in the coming days…

    Korean Music Video of the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve-Z3RBR_84

May 6, 2009

  • The Disadvantages of an Elite Education

    http://www.theamericanscholar.org/the-disadvantages-of-an-elite-education/

    By William Deresiewicz

    Our best universities have forgotten that the reason they exist is to make minds, not careers

    It didn’t dawn on me that there might be a few holes in my education until I was about 35. I’d just bought a house, the pipes needed fixing, and the plumber was standing in my kitchen. There he was, a short, beefy guy with a goatee and a Red Sox cap and a thick Boston accent, and I suddenly learned that I didn’t have the slightest idea what to say to someone like him. So alien was his experience to me, so unguessable his values, so mysterious his very language, that I couldn’t succeed in engaging him in a few minutes of small talk before he got down to work. Fourteen years of higher education and a handful of Ivy League degrees, and there I was, stiff and stupid, struck dumb by my own dumbness. “Ivy retardation,” a friend of mine calls this. I could carry on conversations with people from other countries, in other languages, but I couldn’t talk to the man who was standing in my own house.

    It’s not surprising that it took me so long to discover the extent of my miseducation, because the last thing an elite education will teach you is its own inadequacy. As two dozen years at Yale and Columbia have shown me, elite colleges relentlessly encourage their students to flatter themselves for being there, and for what being there can do for them. The advantages of an elite education are indeed undeniable. You learn to think, at least in certain ways, and you make the contacts needed to launch yourself into a life rich in all of society’s most cherished rewards. To consider that while some opportunities are being created, others are being cancelled and that while some abilities are being developed, others are being crippled is, within this context, not only outrageous, but inconceivable.

    I’m not talking about curricula or the culture wars, the closing or opening of the American mind, political correctness, canon formation, or what have you. I’m talking about the whole system in which these skirmishes play out. Not just the Ivy League and its peer institutions, but also the mechanisms that get you there in the first place: the private and affluent public “feeder” schools, the ever-growing parastructure of tutors and test-prep courses and enrichment programs, the whole admissions frenzy and everything that leads up to and away from it. The message, as always, is the medium. Before, after, and around the elite college classroom, a constellation of values is ceaselessly inculcated. As globalization sharpens economic insecurity, we are increasingly committing ourselves—as students, as parents, as a society—to a vast apparatus of educational advantage. With so many resources devoted to the business of elite academics and so many people scrambling for the limited space at the top of the ladder, it is worth asking what exactly it is you get in the end—what it is we all get, because the elite students of today, as their institutions never tire of reminding them, are the leaders of tomorrow.

    The first disadvantage of an elite education, as I learned in my kitchen that day, is that it makes you incapable of talking to people who aren’t like you. Elite schools pride themselves on their diversity, but that diversity is almost entirely a matter of ethnicity and race. With respect to class, these schools are largely—indeed increasingly—homogeneous. Visit any elite campus in our great nation and you can thrill to the heartwarming spectacle of the children of white businesspeople and professionals studying and playing alongside the children of black, Asian, and Latino businesspeople and professionals. At the same time, because these schools tend to cultivate liberal attitudes, they leave their students in the paradoxical position of wanting to advocate on behalf of the working class while being unable to hold a simple conversation with anyone in it. Witness the last two Democratic presidential nominees, Al Gore and John Kerry: one each from Harvard and Yale, both earnest, decent, intelligent men, both utterly incapable of communicating with the larger electorate.

    But it isn’t just a matter of class. My education taught me to believe that people who didn’t go to an Ivy League or equivalent school weren’t worth talking to, regardless of their class. I was given the unmistakable message that such people were beneath me. We were “the best and the brightest,” as these places love to say, and everyone else was, well, something else: less good, less bright. I learned to give that little nod of understanding, that slightly sympathetic “Oh,” when people told me they went to a less prestigious college. (If I’d gone to Harvard, I would have learned to say “in Boston” when I was asked where I went to school—the Cambridge version of noblesse oblige.) I never learned that there are smart people who don’t go to elite colleges, often precisely for reasons of class. I never learned that there are smart people who don’t go to college at all.

    I also never learned that there are smart people who aren’t “smart.” The existence of multiple forms of intelligence has become a commonplace, but however much elite universities like to sprinkle their incoming classes with a few actors or violinists, they select for and develop one form of intelligence: the analytic. While this is broadly true of all universities, elite schools, precisely because their students (and faculty, and administrators) possess this one form of intelligence to such a high degree, are more apt to ignore the value of others. One naturally prizes what one most possesses and what most makes for one’s advantages. But social intelligence and emotional intelligence and creative ability, to name just three other forms, are not distributed preferentially among the educational elite. The “best” are the brightest only in one narrow sense. One needs to wander away from the educational elite to begin to discover this.

    What about people who aren’t bright in any sense? I have a friend who went to an Ivy League college after graduating from a typically mediocre public high school. One of the values of going to such a school, she once said, is that it teaches you to relate to stupid people. Some people are smart in the elite-college way, some are smart in other ways, and some aren’t smart at all. It should be embarrassing not to know how to talk to any of them, if only because talking to people is the only real way of knowing them. Elite institutions are supposed to provide a humanistic education, but the first principle of humanism is Terence’s: “nothing human is alien to me.” The first disadvantage of an elite education is how very much of the human it alienates you from.

    The second disadvantage, implicit in what I’ve been saying, is that an elite education inculcates a false sense of self-worth. Getting to an elite college, being at an elite college, and going on from an elite college—all involve numerical rankings: SAT, GPA, GRE. You learn to think of yourself in terms of those numbers. They come to signify not only your fate, but your identity; not only your identity, but your value. It’s been said that what those tests really measure is your ability to take tests, but even if they measure something real, it is only a small slice of the real. The problem begins when students are encouraged to forget this truth, when academic excellence becomes excellence in some absolute sense, when “better at X” becomes simply “better.”

    There is nothing wrong with taking pride in one’s intellect or knowledge. There is something wrong with the smugness and self-congratulation that elite schools connive at from the moment the fat envelopes come in the mail. From orientation to graduation, the message is implicit in every tone of voice and tilt of the head, every old-school tradition, every article in the student paper, every speech from the dean. The message is: You have arrived. Welcome to the club. And the corollary is equally clear: You deserve everything your presence here is going to enable you to get. When people say that students at elite schools have a strong sense of entitlement, they mean that those students think they deserve more than other people because their sat scores are higher.

    At Yale, and no doubt at other places, the message is reinforced in embarrassingly literal terms. The physical form of the university—its quads and residential colleges, with their Gothic stone façades and wrought-iron portals—is constituted by the locked gate set into the encircling wall. Everyone carries around an ID card that determines which gates they can enter. The gate, in other words, is a kind of governing metaphor—because the social form of the university, as is true of every elite school, is constituted the same way. Elite colleges are walled domains guarded by locked gates, with admission granted only to the elect. The aptitude with which students absorb this lesson is demonstrated by the avidity with which they erect still more gates within those gates, special realms of ever-greater exclusivity—at Yale, the famous secret societies, or as they should probably be called, the open-secret societies, since true secrecy would defeat their purpose. There’s no point in excluding people unless they know they’ve been excluded.

    One of the great errors of an elite education, then, is that it teaches you to think that measures of intelligence and academic achievement are measures of value in some moral or metaphysical sense. But they’re not. Graduates of elite schools are not more valuable than stupid people, or talentless people, or even lazy people. Their pain does not hurt more. Their souls do not weigh more. If I were religious, I would say, God does not love them more. The political implications should be clear. As John Ruskin told an older elite, grabbing what you can get isn’t any less wicked when you grab it with the power of your brains than with the power of your fists. “Work must always be,” Ruskin says, “and captains of work must always be….[But] there is a wide difference between being captains…of work, and taking the profits of it.”

    The political implications don’t stop there. An elite education not only ushers you into the upper classes; it trains you for the life you will lead once you get there. I didn’t understand this until I began comparing my experience, and even more, my students’ experience, with the experience of a friend of mine who went to Cleveland State. There are due dates and attendance requirements at places like Yale, but no one takes them very seriously. Extensions are available for the asking; threats to deduct credit for missed classes are rarely, if ever, carried out. In other words, students at places like Yale get an endless string of second chances. Not so at places like Cleveland State. My friend once got a D in a class in which she’d been running an A because she was coming off a waitressing shift and had to hand in her term paper an hour late.

    That may be an extreme example, but it is unthinkable at an elite school. Just as unthinkably, she had no one to appeal to. Students at places like Cleveland State, unlike those at places like Yale, don’t have a platoon of advisers and tutors and deans to write out excuses for late work, give them extra help when they need it, pick them up when they fall down. They get their education wholesale, from an indifferent bureaucracy; it’s not handed to them in individually wrapped packages by smiling clerks. There are few, if any, opportunities for the kind of contacts I saw my students get routinely—classes with visiting power brokers, dinners with foreign dignitaries. There are also few, if any, of the kind of special funds that, at places like Yale, are available in profusion: travel stipends, research fellowships, performance grants. Each year, my department at Yale awards dozens of cash prizes for everything from freshman essays to senior projects. This year, those awards came to more than $90,000—in just one department.

    Students at places like Cleveland State also don’t get A-’s just for doing the work. There’s been a lot of handwringing lately over grade inflation, and it is a scandal, but the most scandalous thing about it is how uneven it’s been. Forty years ago, the average GPA at both public and private universities was about 2.6, still close to the traditional B-/C+ curve. Since then, it’s gone up everywhere, but not by anything like the same amount. The average gpa at public universities is now about 3.0, a B; at private universities it’s about 3.3, just short of a B+. And at most Ivy League schools, it’s closer to 3.4. But there are always students who don’t do the work, or who are taking a class far outside their field (for fun or to fulfill a requirement), or who aren’t up to standard to begin with (athletes, legacies). At a school like Yale, students who come to class and work hard expect nothing less than an A-. And most of the time, they get it.

    In short, the way students are treated in college trains them for the social position they will occupy once they get out. At schools like Cleveland State, they’re being trained for positions somewhere in the middle of the class system, in the depths of one bureaucracy or another. They’re being conditioned for lives with few second chances, no extensions, little support, narrow opportunity—lives of subordination, supervision, and control, lives of deadlines, not guidelines. At places like Yale, of course, it’s the reverse. The elite like to think of themselves as belonging to a meritocracy, but that’s true only up to a point. Getting through the gate is very difficult, but once you’re in, there’s almost nothing you can do to get kicked out. Not the most abject academic failure, not the most heinous act of plagiarism, not even threatening a fellow student with bodily harm—I’ve heard of all three—will get you expelled. The feeling is that, by gosh, it just wouldn’t be fair—in other words, the self-protectiveness of the old-boy network, even if it now includes girls. Elite schools nurture excellence, but they also nurture what a former Yale graduate student I know calls “entitled mediocrity.” A is the mark of excellence; A- is the mark of entitled mediocrity. It’s another one of those metaphors, not so much a grade as a promise. It means, don’t worry, we’ll take care of you. You may not be all that good, but you’re good enough.

    Here, too, college reflects the way things work in the adult world (unless it’s the other way around). For the elite, there’s always another extension—a bailout, a pardon, a stint in rehab—always plenty of contacts and special stipends—the country club, the conference, the year-end bonus, the dividend. If Al Gore and John Kerry represent one of the characteristic products of an elite education, George W. Bush represents another. It’s no coincidence that our current president, the apotheosis of entitled mediocrity, went to Yale. Entitled mediocrity is indeed the operating principle of his administration, but as Enron and WorldCom and the other scandals of the dot-com meltdown demonstrated, it’s also the operating principle of corporate America. The fat salaries paid to underperforming CEOs are an adult version of the A-. Anyone who remembers the injured sanctimony with which Kenneth Lay greeted the notion that he should be held accountable for his actions will understand the mentality in question—the belief that once you’re in the club, you’ve got a God-given right to stay in the club. But you don’t need to remember Ken Lay, because the whole dynamic played out again last year in the case of Scooter Libby, another Yale man.

    If one of the disadvantages of an elite education is the temptation it offers to mediocrity, another is the temptation it offers to security. When parents explain why they work so hard to give their children the best possible education, they invariably say it is because of the opportunities it opens up. But what of the opportunities it shuts down? An elite education gives you the chance to be rich—which is, after all, what we’re talking about—but it takes away the chance not to be. Yet the opportunity not to be rich is one of the greatest opportunities with which young Americans have been blessed. We live in a society that is itself so wealthy that it can afford to provide a decent living to whole classes of people who in other countries exist (or in earlier times existed) on the brink of poverty or, at least, of indignity. You can live comfortably in the United States as a schoolteacher, or a community organizer, or a civil rights lawyer, or an artist—that is, by any reasonable definition of comfort. You have to live in an ordinary house instead of an apartment in Manhattan or a mansion in L.A.; you have to drive a Honda instead of a BMW or a Hummer; you have to vacation in Florida instead of Barbados or Paris, but what are such losses when set against the opportunity to do work you believe in, work you’re suited for, work you love, every day of your life?

    Yet it is precisely that opportunity that an elite education takes away. How can I be a schoolteacher—wouldn’t that be a waste of my expensive education? Wouldn’t I be squandering the opportunities my parents worked so hard to provide? What will my friends think? How will I face my classmates at our 20th reunion, when they’re all rich lawyers or important people in New York? And the question that lies behind all these: Isn’t it beneath me? So a whole universe of possibility closes, and you miss your true calling.

    This is not to say that students from elite colleges never pursue a riskier or less lucrative course after graduation, but even when they do, they tend to give up more quickly than others. (Let’s not even talk about the possibility of kids from privileged backgrounds not going to college at all, or delaying matriculation for several years, because however appropriate such choices might sometimes be, our rigid educational mentality places them outside the universe of possibility—the reason so many kids go sleepwalking off to college with no idea what they’re doing there.) This doesn’t seem to make sense, especially since students from elite schools tend to graduate with less debt and are more likely to be able to float by on family money for a while. I wasn’t aware of the phenomenon myself until I heard about it from a couple of graduate students in my department, one from Yale, one from Harvard. They were talking about trying to write poetry, how friends of theirs from college called it quits within a year or two while people they know from less prestigious schools are still at it. Why should this be? Because students from elite schools expect success, and expect it now. They have, by definition, never experienced anything else, and their sense of self has been built around their ability to succeed. The idea of not being successful terrifies them, disorients them, defeats them. They’ve been driven their whole lives by a fear of failure—often, in the first instance, by their parents’ fear of failure. The first time I blew a test, I walked out of the room feeling like I no longer knew who I was. The second time, it was easier; I had started to learn that failure isn’t the end of the world.

    But if you’re afraid to fail, you’re afraid to take risks, which begins to explain the final and most damning disadvantage of an elite education: that it is profoundly anti-intellectual. This will seem counterintuitive. Aren’t kids at elite schools the smartest ones around, at least in the narrow academic sense? Don’t they work harder than anyone else—indeed, harder than any previous generation? They are. They do. But being an intellectual is not the same as being smart. Being an intellectual means more than doing your homework.

    If so few kids come to college understanding this, it is no wonder. They are products of a system that rarely asked them to think about something bigger than the next assignment. The system forgot to teach them, along the way to the prestige admissions and the lucrative jobs, that the most important achievements can’t be measured by a letter or a number or a name. It forgot that the true purpose of education is to make minds, not careers.

    Being an intellectual means, first of all, being passionate about ideas—and not just for the duration of a semester, for the sake of pleasing the teacher, or for getting a good grade. A friend who teaches at the University of Connecticut once complained to me that his students don’t think for themselves. Well, I said, Yale students think for themselves, but only because they know we want them to. I’ve had many wonderful students at Yale and Columbia, bright, thoughtful, creative kids whom it’s been a pleasure to talk with and learn from. But most of them have seemed content to color within the lines that their education had marked out for them. Only a small minority have seen their education as part of a larger intellectual journey, have approached the work of the mind with a pilgrim soul. These few have tended to feel like freaks, not least because they get so little support from the university itself. Places like Yale, as one of them put it to me, are not conducive to searchers.

    Places like Yale are simply not set up to help students ask the big questions. I don’t think there ever was a golden age of intellectualism in the American university, but in the 19th century students might at least have had a chance to hear such questions raised in chapel or in the literary societies and debating clubs that flourished on campus. Throughout much of the 20th century, with the growth of the humanistic ideal in American colleges, students might have encountered the big questions in the classrooms of professors possessed of a strong sense of pedagogic mission. Teachers like that still exist in this country, but the increasingly dire exigencies of academic professionalization have made them all but extinct at elite universities. Professors at top research institutions are valued exclusively for the quality of their scholarly work; time spent on teaching is time lost. If students want a conversion experience, they’re better off at a liberal arts college.

    When elite universities boast that they teach their students how to think, they mean that they teach them the analytic and rhetorical skills necessary for success in law or medicine or science or business. But a humanistic education is supposed to mean something more than that, as universities still dimly feel. So when students get to college, they hear a couple of speeches telling them to ask the big questions, and when they graduate, they hear a couple more speeches telling them to ask the big questions. And in between, they spend four years taking courses that train them to ask the little questions—specialized courses, taught by specialized professors, aimed at specialized students. Although the notion of breadth is implicit in the very idea of a liberal arts education, the admissions process increasingly selects for kids who have already begun to think of themselves in specialized terms—the junior journalist, the budding astronomer, the language prodigy. We are slouching, even at elite schools, toward a glorified form of vocational training.

    Indeed, that seems to be exactly what those schools want. There’s a reason elite schools speak of training leaders, not thinkers—holders of power, not its critics. An independent mind is independent of all allegiances, and elite schools, which get a large percentage of their budget from alumni giving, are strongly invested in fostering institutional loyalty. As another friend, a third-generation Yalie, says, the purpose of Yale College is to manufacture Yale alumni. Of course, for the system to work, those alumni need money. At Yale, the long-term drift of students away from majors in the humanities and basic sciences toward more practical ones like computer science and economics has been abetted by administrative indifference. The college career office has little to say to students not interested in law, medicine, or business, and elite universities are not going to do anything to discourage the large percentage of their graduates who take their degrees to Wall Street. In fact, they’re showing them the way. The liberal arts university is becoming the corporate university, its center of gravity shifting to technical fields where scholarly expertise can be parlayed into lucrative business opportunities.

    It’s no wonder that the few students who are passionate about ideas find themselves feeling isolated and confused. I was talking with one of them last year about his interest in the German Romantic idea of bildung, the upbuilding of the soul. But, he said—he was a senior at the time—it’s hard to build your soul when everyone around you is trying to sell theirs.

    Yet there is a dimension of the intellectual life that lies above the passion for ideas, though so thoroughly has our culture been sanitized of it that it is hardly surprising if it was beyond the reach of even my most alert students. Since the idea of the intellectual emerged in the 18th century, it has had, at its core, a commitment to social transformation. Being an intellectual means thinking your way toward a vision of the good society and then trying to realize that vision by speaking truth to power. It means going into spiritual exile. It means foreswearing your allegiance, in lonely freedom, to God, to country, and to Yale. It takes more than just intellect; it takes imagination and courage. “I am not afraid to make a mistake,” Stephen Dedalus says, “even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity, too.”

    Being an intellectual begins with thinking your way outside of your assumptions and the system that enforces them. But students who get into elite schools are precisely the ones who have best learned to work within the system, so it’s almost impossible for them to see outside it, to see that it’s even there. Long before they got to college, they turned themselves into world-class hoop-jumpers and teacher-pleasers, getting A’s in every class no matter how boring they found the teacher or how pointless the subject, racking up eight or 10 extracurricular activities no matter what else they wanted to do with their time. Paradoxically, the situation may be better at second-tier schools and, in particular, again, at liberal arts colleges than at the most prestigious universities. Some students end up at second-tier schools because they’re exactly like students at Harvard or Yale, only less gifted or driven. But others end up there because they have a more independent spirit. They didn’t get straight A’s because they couldn’t be bothered to give everything in every class. They concentrated on the ones that meant the most to them or on a single strong extracurricular passion or on projects that had nothing to do with school or even with looking good on a college application. Maybe they just sat in their room, reading a lot and writing in their journal. These are the kinds of kids who are likely, once they get to college, to be more interested in the human spirit than in school spirit, and to think about leaving college bearing questions, not resumés.

    I’ve been struck, during my time at Yale, by how similar everyone looks. You hardly see any hippies or punks or art-school types, and at a college that was known in the ’80s as the Gay Ivy, few out lesbians and no gender queers. The geeks don’t look all that geeky; the fashionable kids go in for understated elegance. Thirty-two flavors, all of them vanilla. The most elite schools have become places of a narrow and suffocating normalcy. Everyone feels pressure to maintain the kind of appearance—and affect—that go with achievement. (Dress for success, medicate for success.) I know from long experience as an adviser that not every Yale student is appropriate and well-adjusted, which is exactly why it worries me that so many of them act that way. The tyranny of the normal must be very heavy in their lives. One consequence is that those who can’t get with the program (and they tend to be students from poorer backgrounds) often polarize in the opposite direction, flying off into extremes of disaffection and self-destruction. But another consequence has to do with the large majority who can get with the program.

    I taught a class several years ago on the literature of friendship. One day we were discussing Virginia Woolf’s novel The Waves, which follows a group of friends from childhood to middle age. In high school, one of them falls in love with another boy. He thinks, “To whom can I expose the urgency of my own passion?…There is nobody—here among these grey arches, and moaning pigeons, and cheerful games and tradition and emulation, all so skilfully organised to prevent feeling alone.” A pretty good description of an elite college campus, including the part about never being allowed to feel alone. What did my students think of this, I wanted to know? What does it mean to go to school at a place where you’re never alone? Well, one of them said, I do feel uncomfortable sitting in my room by myself. Even when I have to write a paper, I do it at a friend’s. That same day, as it happened, another student gave a presentation on Emerson’s essay on friendship. Emerson says, he reported, that one of the purposes of friendship is to equip you for solitude. As I was asking my students what they thought that meant, one of them interrupted to say, wait a second, why do you need solitude in the first place? What can you do by yourself that you can’t do with a friend?

    So there they were: one young person who had lost the capacity for solitude and another who couldn’t see the point of it. There’s been much talk of late about the loss of privacy, but equally calamitous is its corollary, the loss of solitude. It used to be that you couldn’t always get together with your friends even when you wanted to. Now that students are in constant electronic contact, they never have trouble finding each other. But it’s not as if their compulsive sociability is enabling them to develop deep friendships. “To whom can I expose the urgency of my own passion?”: my student was in her friend’s room writing a paper, not having a heart-to-heart. She probably didn’t have the time; indeed, other students told me they found their peers too busy for intimacy.

    What happens when busyness and sociability leave no room for solitude? The ability to engage in introspection, I put it to my students that day, is the essential precondition for living an intellectual life, and the essential precondition for introspection is solitude. They took this in for a second, and then one of them said, with a dawning sense of self-awareness, “So are you saying that we’re all just, like, really excellent sheep?” Well, I don’t know. But I do know that the life of the mind is lived one mind at a time: one solitary, skeptical, resistant mind at a time. The best place to cultivate it is not within an educational system whose real purpose is to reproduce the class system.

    The world that produced John Kerry and George Bush is indeed giving us our next generation of leaders. The kid who’s loading up on AP courses junior year or editing three campus publications while double-majoring, the kid whom everyone wants at their college or law school but no one wants in their classroom, the kid who doesn’t have a minute to breathe, let alone think, will soon be running a corporation or an institution or a government. She will have many achievements but little experience, great success but no vision. The disadvantage of an elite education is that it’s given us the elite we have, and the elite we’re going to have.

    William Deresiewicz taught English at Yale University from 1998 to 2008.

May 1, 2009

  • Where I stand…

    http://www.centerforajustsociety.org/press/forum.asp?cjsForumID=1137

    On Christian Libertarians by Dr. Eric Schansberg

    Back in June, Ken Connor wrote an insightful essay on “Political Moral Philosophy” at TownHall.com. Among other points, he correctly distinguished between Christian conservatives and libertarian conservatives. But he didn’t address the category of Christian libertarians. After I pointed out the omission, he graciously offered me an opportunity to write an article for CJS.

    Let’s start with a few definitions. By the term Christian, I mean those who are saved by the grace of God through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ—and hold to the Word of God as the ultimate authority. This is in marked contrast to those who are merely Christian in a “cultural” sense. And without the Word of God, a thorough, coherent “Christian” approach to politics is unattainable. For the biblical Christian, their worldview—their understanding of politics, economics, and everything else—should emanate from a thorough understanding of the Bible and God’s created order.

    By the term Libertarian, I mean the idea that people ought to be free to act as long as they are not doing direct and significant harm to others. The role of government, then, would be to intervene whenever someone is doing direct and significant harm to others—for example, actions like rape, murder, or theft. By this standard, government would be “limited but strong” (interestingly, along the lines advocated in the U.S. Constitution), not causing harm to us and effectively protecting us from harm by others.

    In one sense, it is difficult to combine Christianity with Libertarian political philosophy. The latter is based on a form of individualism that cannot be fully reconciled with Christianity.

    Likewise, a positive Christian defense of freedom within economic markets and other social spheres is relatively difficult to produce. Of course, freedom often produces laudable outcomes and springs from respectable motives. But freedom can also produce indefensible, unbiblical outcomes.

    It is possible to construct a strong, positive defense of freedom based on the importance of free will, references to “sphere sovereignty” and subsidiarity, prudential arguments, and so on. But that task is well beyond the scope of my small essay.

    By contrast, it is relatively easy to approach the combination of Christianity and Libertarianism from another angle. Instead of a positive defense of freedom, consider a negative critique of many efforts to restrict freedom by using government. It turns out that the political practices which one would infer from Libertarianism are fully consistent with biblical Christianity.

    This approach boils down to one key question: When should a Christian actively advocate government as a means to various godly ends?

    For instance, when should Christians seek to restrict the social freedom of others? Smoking, the practice of “false religions,” murder? And when should they seek to take money from some people to give it to others? Welfare for individuals, bailing out homeowners, trade protectionism?

    A common approach from those who reject libertarian principles is to point out sinful outcomes and assume that government is an ethical and practical means to the reasonable end of punishing and reducing the likelihood of sin. For example, gambling is said to be a sin, so the government should eliminate it or not allow it to increase. Or it would be sinful not to help the needy sufficiently, so there should be government programs to redistribute income to help those who are in need.

    But poking around a bit, we quickly realize that the category “sin” doesn’t take us very far in our quest for a coherent, biblical approach to government. In fact, we don’t want the government to intervene in all types of sin—for example, eating too much pie, uttering a harsh word to a child, or failing to give sufficient resources to the local church. So, which sins should receive the government’s attention—or, more precisely, when should Christians devote resources to impacting public policy?

    In trying to draw distinctions and determine when Christians should (and should not) invoke government, I’ve come up with two categories: “legislating morality” (LM) and “legislating justice” (LJ). Under “morality,” I put sins where people mostly do harm to themselves, such as gluttony. And under “justice,” I put sins where people do direct and significant harm to others. Within this category, I also distinguish between “economic justice” (where the damage is in the economic realm—e.g., theft) and “social justice” (where the damage is social—e.g., murder).

    Of course, there is some overlap between the categories. Matters of justice are also matters of morality. But we need to draw some sort of distinction if we’re going to think more clearly about the amazingly wide variety of sins that might be the subject of legislation.

    In addition, no sins are fully private; every sin I commit has an impact of some sort on those around me. But if this is my standard for inviting government action, the door is kicked wide open to every potential law under the sun. Surely, there is a useful distinction to be drawn between minor and indirect costs—and those that are major and directly imposed. As the costs become larger and more direct, it becomes easier to make a case for seeking government activism.

    In my book, Turn Neither to the Right nor to the Left: A Thinking Christian’s Guide to Politics and Public Policy, I make the case that Christians should not use government to “legislate morality” (as defined above), but should use the government selectively and properly to “legislate justice”. Further, I argue that the Religious Right’s approach to politics is often wrong-headed. The most notable exception is abortion, where they are trying to “legislate (social) justice”. And I argue that the Religious Left often seeks to legislate justice, but with unbiblical and impractical public policies. In any case, ungodly and impractical means to godly ends are still ungodly.

    Not surprisingly, I can’t lay out the full case here. But in closing, let me give you two key points to ponder.

    First, even if government intervention is a good means to an end, is it the best use of our resources? As we prioritize our lives—and within that, our political activities—which political issues should be our highest priorities? Should phenomenally expensive and painfully inept inner-city education be ranked below our concerns about expanded gambling? Should we ignore the oppressive burden of payroll taxes on the working poor, while focusing on higher income taxes for the wealthy? Should one be silent on easy and pandemic divorce, while clamoring about so-called “same-sex marriage”?

    Second, consider the ministry of Jesus Christ. He only got angry when others were being harmed—from the shenanigans at the Temple to the stifling legalism and hypocrisy of the Pharisees. When people were largely doing harm to themselves, he reasoned with them and encouraged them to change. It is difficult to imagine Him using government to protect people from themselves; it is easy to imagine Him rising to defend those who were being harmed by others.

    Perhaps the best way to sum up Christian Libertarianism is a reference to the famous passage in John 8: “the woman caught in adultery”. Among the many things Christ could have said in response to the accusers, His answer was perfect: “If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Instead of throwing stones, they dropped theirs and walked away. There was only One who could have rightfully thrown stones. Instead, he freed her from that moment—and hopefully, from the bondage of her sin.

    His final comment to her? “Go now and leave your life of sin.” Not tolerance of an alternative lifestyle, but conviction. Not the elimination of standards, but their reiteration. Not rocks, but mercy, an attempt to persuade, and the ever-available offer of His amazing grace.


    Dr. Eric Schansberg is Professor of Economics at Indiana University (New Albany), the author of
    Turn Neither to the Right nor to the Left: A Thinking Christian’s Guide to Politics and Public Policy (Alertness Books, 2003), the co-author of Thoroughly Equipped—a 21-month discipleship curriculum, and the editor of SchansBlog.

April 7, 2009

  • We are Vi Hahr.

    Vi is married, I am not. And for the first time in my life, I’m okay with this! I don’t mean the Vi part because of course I’ve always been okay with her being so disgustingly happy with Mr. B-Randon. I mean about not being married. I still say that yeah, I’d like to be in a situation where I could get married, but I’m perfectly fine with where I am now. I’ve experienced so many different things in the Midwest that I never could have done in sunny CA. One of them is curling.

    Curling is a ridiculous sport. There’s really no way to look “cool” while sweeping, and, the weirdest people are involved in it, college level and beyond. I think it’s just for weird people in general, but of course, normalcy is in the eye of the beholder. Curling is also a very social sport. “Broomstacking,” the socializing period after the game, consists of food and drinks… and then more drinks. Our last bonspiel of the season was in Green Bay (I saw Lambeau Field!) and the whole trip just screamed Midwest, I loved it. hehe. The drive there was completely flat, with those trees (no idea what kind) that cover the midwest and have no leaves because it’s still winter in April, and little towns that are spread out and full of farm houses and fields. We arrived in this town that was on the outskirts of the city, whose main attractions were the Packers and hockey. The people in the curling club had those funny accents (“MinnesOta”) and drank Spotted cOw. The meals consisted of hearty soups, cheese curds, and steak. YUM. Michelle and I were the only asians there. And everyone else was mad good at curling because they had been doing it since birth. Oh, those Midwesterners are so cute!  To top it off, it snowed on the ride back (because obviously it’s still winter).

    Other than curling, I’m grooving along with grad school and excited to see how things turn out with my research. Am I crazy? I honestly get excited when I get to collaborate with the other D3D people and share my data! I still feel very unknowledgeable and have even greater respect for my professor, the bearer of all steel knowledge and especially of all things martensite. I’m a little disappointed that I don’t get to do traditional metallurgical things, though, like arc melting or dilatometry or even something simple like using the vacuum furnace. Instead I sit on the computer for half the year and get chubby.  My tummy is so squishy, but not as squishy as Sean’s.

    Oh yes, the other thing about the Midwest is that weight gain is inevitable. It is totally true and proven. Just ask all the other grad students who came from other places. Or perhaps it’s the grad school thing … hmm, I have confounding variables.

    And now, how to connect Elisha Cuthbert to Kevin Bacon.  (I stumped Danielle in the “6 degrees to Kevin Bacon” game, but I know she’ll think of something because she is a movie buff).

February 27, 2009

  • A letter to my xanga…

    Dear Stepheetz’s Xanga,

    I haven’t posted in awhile not because I’m ignoring you, Xanga, but because I think I got older and realized I didn’t want my private life on the public interweb. My thoughts are my own and I didn’t want to share them. Nope, not even with you, Xanga. But, alas, I’m sorry! I forgot how cathartic it was to express myself in writing all the feelings and emotions that I thought the whole world reads and empathizes with. I’ve always been fascinated by the fact that maybe someone out there is reading you and through this, finds me unique. What a silly notion, huh. God thinks each one of us is special! (say cheese =D).

    Well, I’m not promising to return to the updating fanatic I was in secondary school, but I still believe in you. I believe that writing to you is a means of capturing my life through the eyes of me (specifically, me at the computer alone in my room, getting all introspective). Odd as it may seem, these non-sensical little blurbs are telling of the change of me. Of course, my deepest thoughts are not recorded here, but there’s always something I insinuate in each one, and only I know what I was thinking at that time when I re-read it. You’re just cool like that, Xanga. Thanks! =)

    Nothing much to report on here, though. Atm, I am becoming more and more nerdy as the grad school days proceed. I’m finding myself noticing computer specs more, disowning Windows more and more each day, being intrigued by online gamers (though I still have not been suckered into that), and having an earnest desire to watch sci-fi shows. I am offended at people who think they are nerdy when they really are like, omgosh, totally not. I get really excited when I talk about steel with Mike Mulholland. And I find it challenging to “dumb down” my talk when speaking with non-engineer friends. Ew, I look at that list and ask myself, “What have I become?!” It’s my fault, I know. I asked for this. I love it and hate it. I’m afraid to return to the land I once only knew. I’m afraid to have to act ditzy to get along with my friends. I’m afraid to succumb to the pursuit of comfort. I’m afraid of change.

    “The greatest fear is the fear of the unknown.” ‘Tis so true.

    Well, good thing I’m only half way through! haha. I probably haven’t even changed that much. The core of me hasn’t. I will always be this silly, little, happy girl who likes to hop around like a bunny. I will always hope in ideals that may never be a reality. And I will always be insecure about life without the world ever knowing.

    Enough emo-Steph for one day, Xanga.  See what you do to me?

    Forever yours, Xanga,
    StePheetz

August 25, 2008

  • Chinese gymnasts are underage

    Today I came into work unusually late, like I ate breakfast at lunch time.  whoops.  Anyway, I decided I’d treat myself to some coffee, so I stopped by Norris on the way to the office, got my tall iced cafe mocha, and then got on my bike.  In front of me at the top of the hill was a mom and her daughter.  She looked about Jr. High age and she had one of those cool skateboards, you know, the one that is split in two parts and you have to make an S to ride it?  Well, I’ve tried those at the store before and they are not easy.  They are not like regular skateboards.  So I thought to myself, wow, this girl has balls, she’s pretty gutsy.  So she steps on the board while we’re at the top of the hill, and I decide to just stop and watch her bomb the hill.  Well, she was, she didnt even need to carve.  And then I started thinking, wow, this girl is good and reminisced about the days when Theo and I would bomb hills tandem.  We would take Alex’s longboard and Theo would be in front, I would ride in back, and we’d go down all these hills around Middle Earth.  Well, one day, we got this GREAT idea that we’d go down the hill behind the commons (omgosh i can’t remember the name!  ahh, we’re so old). It was this really long hill so we could pick up a lot of speed.  So we decided we’d do it.  Theo got on, I got on.  We started out slow, but then started picking up some killer speed.  Well, ahead of us was one of those raise up bars, you know the ones that only service vehicles or authorized personnel can pass with their electronic/magnetic sticker things.  Ahhh…we were in trouble.  Yeah, we thought about how we’d stop before we started, but we said to ourselves “eh, let’s just go and worry about it later.” Well, at that moment, genius Theo said, “jump jump”, so I jumped!  Of course we’re going too fast for me to catch myself, so I took 2 steps, then tripped and skidded on the asphalt.  30 seconds later my dad called me on the phone and asked how I was doing.  I was moaning in pain and said, “fine, can you call back later?!” haha. He had no idea. Ok, so back to today.  I watched this girl bombing the hill, totally excited, and then I thought, “oh, how is she gonna stop?  there’s a whole bunch of gravel at the bottom.  If I were on a longboard I would not go down this hill because of the gravel at the bottom.”  And then 2 seconds later, girl freaks out, sees the gravel, trips, and smacks on the ground.  The mom gasps and runs to her baby as she cried “Mommy!”

    At that point I just laughed. haha. Omgosh, I feel bad for laughing, but I don’t at the same time.  I know exactly how it feels and how stupid she was for not thinking ahead.  Ah, the wonders of being young and stupid.

    So that’s why the Chinese gymnast are underage.  They have no fear and no concept of what can hurt them.  Just young and stupid. I miss those days…

    (Don’t get me wrong, I still think the Chinese gymnasts are totally awesome – Chinese gov’t please don’t slaughter me)

July 6, 2008

  • 4 dresses down…

    …23 more to go.  Lol.  Ok, I’m not quite there yet, but maybe just maybe I’m gonna end up like Katherine Heigl in “27 Dresses”. 

    Anyway…Brandon and Vi are engaged!  Congrats to them!

July 2, 2008

  • Simply Love You

    By Ginny Owens

    Seems that life’s become so complicated
    I don’t think it was meant to be this way
    I find myself so distracted
    Caught up in the chaos of each day

    When did I stop asking for your wisdom?
    As if your words were meant for someone else
    Why do I choose to second-guess you?
    Oh I only frustrate and confuse myself

    Chorus:
    I just wanna love you, Simply love you
    The way it used to be
    When your love was new to me
    I just wanna love you, simply love you
    To hear what you say and live every day
    Like you asked me to
    I just wanna simply love you

    Many times you spoke of us as children
    Childhood seems to me so long ago
    You say I can trust you like I did then
    If I give you my hand then you’ll lead me home

    Oh…to fall on my knees
    With the fresh disbelief
    Stirred once again at the story
    of how you loved me