May 6, 2010

  • And we're back...!

    With the start of the new Mat Sci blog ( numatsci.blogspot.com ), I've most obviously been ignoring my own blog. Frankly, I'm just not as emo as I was back in the day. Wow, those were good days. One thing that I've found with the MatSci blog is that people are really scared to post. This was such a foreign idea and a weird fear in my eyes, after all, it's just a blog! But as I thought about it more, perhaps the reason I am so comfortable with blogging is because of all my years of Xanga. Yup, Xanga, I have you to thank for it. All those countless entries of me pouring my heart out to the open interweb just made me almost fearless in writing something that anyone could read. What's the big deal anyway? Just write what you're thinking, right? WRONG. You know why everyone's so scared? It's because we are freaking grad students. We are always so worried about being correct, about being intelligent, about being witty, and about being judged! We are constantly being evaluated, told that we are doing things right/wrong, told we need to try other things, pushed around like no one's business. There's this culture of being an engineering grad student that is fun and comfortable, but there's also this part that is exasperating. It's like we are always trying to prove to each other that we are so smart and so cool and so normal. Seriously, we are not and people should stop fooling themselves into thinking they are. Can't people just be comfortable in their own skin? Why do you have to be so uppity all the time in groups? Sometimes I just want to sit there with my tongue out and not have someone think something's up or I am out of it. Sometimes I just want to be short with people and not have them take it personally. Sometimes I just want to chillll. And chill does NOT mean, oh let's go have drinks. Chill means, we will hang out, and it will be perfectly okay if we don't even say a word. It will be okay if it isn't a mind-blowing experience. It will be okay if it wasn't "omg, the funnest time I've ever had" type of day. (I'm all about parallel structure right now.) There's not really too many people I can do that with. Sean, of course. And I think Dani too. Other than that, things are just not like that here. People don't just go over to other people's places to chill. Everyone's too busy. Everyone's got things to do, papers to work on, data analysis to finish. Everyone's gotta have their space. We're grown adults now, somewhat. (k, done with the parallel structure).

    I just miss the days when you told a friend, hey I'm coming over. No plans, nothing. You just wanna chill. I'm afraid those days are over, though.

    ...Wow, that whole post came out of nowhere. Ah, the beauty of Xanga.

Comments (2)

  • Hi Steph, long time no talk! Glad to see a familiar face on Xanga, haha. Do any of your friends still use this thing? None of mine do, so the privacy is kinda nice. I miss chillin time too! Seems like it all but dissapeared except for a few hours on the weekend =(

  • I don't think anyone uses it. Maybe one. You could be number two, but I'm guessing you didn't pay for premium membership =D Hope you are doing well!

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