I’m obsessed with this song. I don’t really listen to much music, in all honesty, because I’m so freaking busy and so out of touch with the world. Eeek. But I like this rendition of “I Want to Hold Your Hand,” which my mom said was the first song she heard when she came over to the States. Cool, huh!
Well, as always, I’ve been thinking about the future. I just want to have a job! My office mate is finishing up in less than 4 years – this is very rare. The majority of people take almost the full five years. The reason why he’s doing this is because he’s in the awesome Olson group, working on steel…which is what I’m doing! Do I have a chance of doing the same? He just got 3 job offers, accepted one already, turned down another, only to be offered an additional $15k+ within an hour of turning it down, and now is debating how to say “no” nicely. Ugh, what a hard life, huh. He’s also always playing basketball every time I come into the office. I jingle my keys extra long so he knows I’m coming in. =P. I wish that were me now. Too bad it’s not.
Grad school’s good, but it’s not as exciting as you would think (if you ever even thought it was). Sure, we do fun things and socialize and play IM sports and go downtown to see what’s hip and happening there and try to appear normal, but for some reason it’s kind of lost its appeal. But it’s only because I get this feeling that people are trying to prove something by doing all these cool things. Am I reading too much into this? Yes, absolutely. But I can’t help but feel that everyone’s trying so hard to keep a balanced life – working extremely hard and having somewhat of a life outside of the lab – just to prove a point that engineers are real people, too. Well, I say, we engineers ain’t that special. I’ve stopped getting that feeling of specialness when I tell people I’m in the Ph.D. program in Materials Science Engineering. Maybe it’s because I’m around so many driven people. It just seems the norm now. Everyone’s working so hard. Everyone’s so freaking smart and it’s annoying. Can’t we all just act dumb and unmotivated for once? Does it mean I’m a little too removed from society if I am even unmotivated to find something cool to do on the weekend? I’m talking out of my a** right now. I’m just pissed that I’m not finished with grad school and getting that six-figure salary right at this moment.
I still wonder if my friends and family think I abandoned them. I came to the realization that all my investing in people did pay off. I got really close with a lot of people and talked about a lot of tough issues with them, too. But then I just kinda left. I feel like I was so intent on “starting over” that I forgot that I didn’t really want to start everything over. I can’t even give my closest friends calls consistently because I’m too stubborn to put up with the small talk. When I go back, is everyone gonna have their own lives that don’t include me? It seems likely since that’s how it is right now. So sad. For now I’ll not worry about it…procrastination! =)
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